inner mind

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the inner thoughts of a usually unorganised teenage mind

i hate when people think they know everything about me, even my closest friends. they think that because i spend most of my time with them they know every little thing that goes through my brain every day when they don’t at all because i don’t trust any of them enough to tell them.

I hate when I’m moaning about where I live and people say ‘you can get on a bus, train, coach or plane out of there at any minute’. NO I CAN’T FUCKING GET A BUS OR TRAIN OR COACH OR PLANE OUT OF HERE AT ANY MINUTE. WHERE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GO? SHOULD I LIVE ON THE STREETS WITH NO MONEY, FOOD AND EVERYONE AROUND ME BEING STRANGERS? NO I SHOULDN’T. I’m trying to figure out getting away from this place in the future but you have to give me time to figure it out. There’s no point going somewhere when you’ve rushed the decision and have no way of surviving when you get there. Sure, sometimes the ‘fuck it’ decisions are the best ones but sometimes you have to take a while out to plan your decision for what will be better for you and your future.

I really just want to use this blog to try and improve my writing skills. When I write I don’t usually know what I want to say and the flow of the words doesn’t come naturally. I want to write about anything thats bothering me and any issues that may have come up that particular day - like my own personal online diary. 

I always say that I hate where I live but I’ve come to realise that I honestly don’t. I mean sure living here makes it difficult to see some people or means that I’m stereotyped pretty much everywhere I go but I don’t think I would’ve wanted to grow up anywhere else.

I’m only thinking about this because yesterday I went on a walk with one of my closest friends. We walked along the prom, next to the river, for about 20 minutes and it was freezing but the sun was still amazingly bright with a clear sky. We sat down on a bench and just stared at the view for a while and it was probably the one thing that made me happy all weekend. Everything we could see looked perfect and I’ve never appreciated this city more. 

I’ve always planned on leaving this place at some point; I don’t know where I’d go or who I’d go with, I just knew that I wouldn’t be here but recently I’ve realised that moving away would make no difference to my life. I mainly want to move to get rid of bad memories and get away from the people here but by moving somewhere else I’m just giving a new place a chance to hold more bad memories and help me meet more unpleasant people. 

Basically there’s no point to this text post, it’s just me typing out what I’m thinking at this moment. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future lately so expect more posts like this.